


And There You Were

by galerian_ash



Category: Riptide (TV)
Genre: Amnesia, Cuddling, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon, UST
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 20:16:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5469572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galerian_ash/pseuds/galerian_ash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Hey, it's okay now. It's me, it's Nick."</p><p>Cody took a shaky breath, Adam's apple moving. "You... you're here to help me?" he said, voice hoarse. It sounded like he'd been screaming for hours.</p><p>"Of course I am, big guy. What, you thought I'd just leave you here? They really must've done a number on you, if you thought that." He reached out to trace Cody's cheek, careful to avoid the swollen and multicolored parts of his face. "I'll always come for you, Cody. No matter what."</p><p>The fear in Cody's eyes dimmed, replaced by a look of confusion. "Do you know me?" he asked.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And There You Were

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tinx_r](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinx_r/gifts).



Nick started to make his way around the warehouse before Murray's running shape had even gotten halfway down the block. He'd only agreed to go call the cops when Nick had promised he would wait for backup, but deep down Murray had probably known that it'd been a promise Nick had never intended to keep.

Oh, sure, it would be safer to wait, but Nick wasn't a detective to be safe. No, his sole reason for being a detective was currently in the warehouse, having who-knew-what done to him by Matheson and his thugs. Like hell Nick was gonna wait for backup.

The thought of waiting, just standing around twiddling his thumbs and tapping his foot — even for just one more minute — was unbearable. Waiting for Murray to fix the microchip tracker doowackyhickey to find Cody had been bad enough. Those had been among the worst hours of Nick's life.

They never should've split up in the first place, but dwelling on that wasn't going to help. Nick grit his teeth and focused.

There was a broken window on the back of the building. He should be able to squeeze through, although it would be a tight fit. It was too high to reach even with a running start, but there was a container close to the wall. He made sure his gun was tucked securely into the back of his pants, and then braced himself against the container and made his way up.

He cut his palm on the sole remaining shard of glass as he hauled himself up, and silently cursed his bad luck. Where it truly mattered, however, luck was with him — there was nobody in the area he entered, and he was able to drop to the floor without worrying about being seen.

He absently wiped off the blood on his jeans before drawing his gun. If he needed to use it, it wouldn't do for his grip to be slick.

It was slow going, making his way through the dark warehouse. Finally, he picked up on voices and headed in their direction. They were holed up in a room partly filled with crates, which made for good cover. He crept as close as he dared, and then surveyed the situation.

Cody was tied to a chair. Matheson was standing in front of him, obscuring Nick's view of him. There were two thugs standing to the side, one of them fiddling with a knife.

As Nick tried to come up with a plan of action Matheson waved knife-guy over. He approached with a sneer, raising the serrated blade in the air and prompting Cody to let out a frightened whimper. It was a sound Nick hadn't heard in years, not since early days in 'Nam, but it was more than enough to bring him right back and make him throw caution to the wind.

"Drop the knife, or I drop you!" he yelled as he stepped out into the open, gun aimed straight at knife-guy's head.

He did drop it, but only to draw a gun. Nick dived back behind the crates, furious with himself. He couldn't risk shooting while they were standing right next to Cody, and if they thought to use him as leverage...

"Leave him!" Matheson ordered after knife-guy had emptied his clip. "We're not about to get any information out of this one anyway, so let's cut our losses."

That sounded promising. Wanting to spur them on — and make sure they wouldn't hurt Cody on the way out — Nick fired off a few rounds in the air. He'd much rather aim at their fleeing heels, but he couldn't risk the bullets ricocheting.

A few more shots were fired his way, and then a door slammed. It was difficult to not just rush forward at once, but he forced himself to look up slowly and make sure it hadn't been just a ruse.

But no, there was no one left in the warehouse except for him and Cody. He dropped the gun and broke into a run, desperate to bridge the distance between them.

Cody's head was slumped onto his chest. There was some bruising on his arm, and pair of syringes on the floor — one shattered, in a pool of liquid; the other whole, and frighteningly empty.

Nick kneeled by him, carefully reaching out to lift Cody's head and check his pulse. As he did, Cody's eyelids fluttered. His blue eyes slowly focused on Nick, pupils dilated.

"That's it," Nick said, encouraging.

Cody responded by flinching, clearly trying to get away but unable to do so due to the rope.

"Take it easy, buddy. I got you." He hurried to get rid of the rope, but that didn't help — if anything, Cody stiffened up even more. There was bright fear in his eyes, and a part of Nick wished he _had_ chased Matheson after all. That bastard deserved a bullet for this.

"Hey, it's okay now. It's me, it's Nick."

Cody took a shaky breath, Adam's apple moving. "You... you're here to help me?" he said, voice hoarse. It sounded like he'd been screaming for hours.

"Of course I am, big guy. What, you thought I'd just leave you here? They really must've done a number on you, if you thought that." He reached out to trace Cody's cheek, careful to avoid the swollen and multicolored parts of his face. "I'll always come for you, Cody. No matter what."

The fear in Cody's eyes dimmed, replaced by a look of confusion. "Do you know me?" he asked.

\----

"So, basically, what you're saying is that you don't know anything."

"Nick," Murray hissed. "That's not very constructive."

"As I've explained," Dr. Davis said, ignoring both Nick's accusation and his glare, "we can't be certain of anything at the moment. The amnesia could stem from the physical trauma, albeit the damage to his head didn't amount to anything worse than a slight concussion. It could also be the drug he was given. According to Mr. Allen's testimony, it appears to have been a truth serum of some sort — but it could very well have been laced with something else."

Nick ran a hand through his hair. "Alright, I get it. Look, can I just... Can I see him?"

"To him, it's currently 1964. Which makes him, ah, let's see," Davis said, looking down at the papers in his hands.

"Seventeen," Nick cut in. "It'd make him seventeen."

"Right. My point being, unless you knew Mr. Allen back then, you're simply another stranger to him. He needs to get some rest, so surely you can comprehend that it'd be a bad idea to see him right now."

It would probably also be a bad idea to punch Davis, but that sure didn't stop Nick from wanting to do so. Murray moved slightly in front of him, blocking his access. The little guy knew him quite well, it seemed.

"We understand," Murray said. "But he can still come home tomorrow though, right?"

"Yes. The best thing for him is to be in familiar surroundings, to help trigger his memories. Now, if you'll excuse me." He inclined his head towards Murray before he turned and walked down the corridor.

"Nick, let's go. We need to check in with Joanna anyway, see if Matheson has been caught."

"I don't give a damn," Nick snapped. He regretted the outburst a second later, and opened his mouth to apologize.

Murray raised a hand, shaking his head. "It's fine. I don't really want to leave either, but concentrating on the case is the best thing we can do right know. Get our minds off it."

"Yeah, sure, that's a good idea," he said, not meaning a word of it.

Murray probably knew that, if the tight smile he gave Nick was anything to go by.

\----

Nick stood back and watched as Murray explained the layout of the Riptide.

Cody was quiet and withdrawn. He'd barely said two words during the drive from the hospital, and he took in the Riptide with dull, blank eyes. Nick had no idea how to handle it. This was a Cody he had never known.

"Down those stairs is your and Nick's stateroom. The other way is the galley, and then my quarters. I have some really boss computers, if you'd like to see! I would be so excited if I were to wake up decades into the future to discover all the technical developments made."

"Murray, I think that's enough." Nick tried giving him a pointed look, but it probably had no effect. "How about we start preparing dinner, huh?"

"Oh, yes, sure! I'll get right on it," he said, bounding down the stairs to the galley.

Nick turned to Cody. "Would you like to take a shower first?" He knew firsthand how grubby you felt after a hospital stay, however brief. Worse, Cody was still wearing the clothes he'd been in the day before. Nick could've kicked himself when he'd arrived at the hospital and realized that he should've brought a change of clothes for Cody. The bloody and torn clothes were no doubt a stark reminder of yesterday's ordeal; the last thing he needed right now.

Cody looked up. "Yeah, that — that'd be great, thanks. Um, where...?"

"Right down there," Nick said, pointing, "the door to the right, before the stateroom. Just throw those clothes on the floor and grab something else from the closet."

"Okay."

He knew he should go and help Murray prepare the food, but now that Cody was finally back home, Nick had no plans on straying from his side. So he sat down on the salon bench, listening intently in case Cody needed help with something.

Oddly enough, he spent less time in the shower than he did getting dressed. Nick had just started debating whether or not to check up on him, when he emerged. He came walking up the stairs, hair still wet, wearing his old flowery outfit.

Nick stared, causing Cody to frown and look away.

"They were the only clothes I recognized," he mumbled. "...No good? Out of fashion?"

"No, no," Nick hurried to assure him, lying through his teeth, "they're fine. I was just surprised that you picked something so, uh, cheery. You know, with that smiling sun and all."

"Oh. Didn't think of that."

"I like it lots, but I'll show you later which clothes are yours, yeah? You can wear whatever you want though — I don't mind if you use mine."

Cody looked up, meeting Nick's gaze with a hesitant smile. It was the first he'd given since before the warehouse, and it went straight to Nick's heart. He swallowed, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat. God, but he had it _bad_ — not that that was any news to him.

"Guys? Dinner is ready!"

Placing a hand on Cody's back, Nick gently steered him towards the galley. He saw Murray's widening eyes as he took in the outfit, and — safely positioned behind Cody, where he couldn't see — made a throat-cutting gesture. Murray thankfully got the hint.

Cody had frozen in front of the table, and it took Nick a second to realize why. It was set the way it usually was; two plates on one side, one on the other. They always sat together, but Nick didn't want to push him into it — right now, he probably needed space.

Before Cody could act either way, Murray took his usual seat, making the decision for him. Cody glanced up at Nick only to immediately look away, face reddening, when he found him staring back.

Dinner was torture.

Nick wanted to lean into the contact, the way he always did. Wanted to do so more than usual, even. After coming so close to losing Cody, he was desperate to be as near him as possible. But Cody didn't remember him. So he did his best to keep his distance, even if that meant he was sitting partly outside of the bench.

Murray did his best to keep up the conversation, but it was a lost cause. Nick was worthless, unable to focus on talking, and Cody's contributions were monosyllabic. By the time he'd finished eating, it was down to grunts. His eyes kept sliding closed, and — aside from the bruises — his face was pale.

"How about you go and get some rest, big guy?"

Cody turned his head, blinking groggily at him. "Huh?"

"Come on, up we go." He carefully took hold of Cody's arm, getting to his feet and pulling him along.

Nick stuck by his side all the way to the stateroom. He made Cody sit down on his bunk, and then turned to the closet. "You feeling cold or warm?"

"Cold."

Nick grabbed a pair of sweatpants and one of his own sweaters. It was soft and warm, and it was pretty big even on him — so it wouldn't fit too snugly over Cody's ribs. The doctor had said that they weren't broken, but judging from the way Cody moved they were still sore as hell.

He kneeled down and pulled off Cody's shoes. "Think you can do the rest yourself?"

"Y-yeah."

"Alright. If you need anything, anything at all, just call."

Cody nodded. "Thanks, Nick."

"Goodnight," he said, before forcing himself to leave. He wanted to stay, make sure Cody fell asleep okay, but that wasn't an option.

Murray had already cleared off the table by the time he got back to the galley, and was reading an English-Japanese dictionary. "Oh, damn," Nick swore, "I completely forgot."

"What's that? What did you forget?"

"Your trip! You're leaving tomorrow — I know I promised to drive you to the airport, but I don't wanna leave alone Cody right now. Sorry. I'll pay for the cab, okay?"

Murray looked stunned. "I'm not going. You think I'd go to Japan when things are like this?" he sounded almost offended.

"But you've looked forward to this so much." It had been all Murray could talk about for the past few weeks; his upcoming collaboration with the video game creator he admired above all else.

"I'm going to call Mr. Ikehara and apologize. It's a shame, but maybe there'll be another chance to work together again in the future." It didn't really sound like he thought that was very plausible.

"Listen, Boz. I know Cody will appreciate that you wanted to stick around, but how do you think he'll feel, knowing that you gave up this opportunity on account of him? He'd want you to go. I can promise you that."

Murray tapped his fingers against the dictionary, looking thoughtful. "You're right, but I still wouldn't feel right."

"It's up to you," Nick said, shrugging. "Besides, you'd only be gone for a week, right?"

"I'll think about it," Murray finally said. "Maybe I can ask Cody if he'd be okay with it. Even if he's different right now, his answer would still matter to me."

Nick smiled. "Good thinking, pal."

They did the dishes together, Nick listening with one ear to Murray's excited chatter about Ikehara's games. He knew Murray probably kept up the steady stream of words to distract him from the situation with Cody — which was nice of him, even if it wasn't very effective.

He managed to hold out for a couple of hours, before putting down the book he'd been trying to read with a frustrated groan. He turned to Murray, who was tinkering with some microchip on the opposite bench. "Hey, man, I'm gonna turn in. I didn't get much sleep last night, so I'm pretty beat."

"Oh, sure, I understand. I should get some sleep myself, especially if I am flying tomorrow. See you in the morning."

"Night," Nick said, heading for the bathroom. He brushed his teeth and got ready for bed, carefully sneaking into the stateroom in order to not wake Cody.

He needn't have bothered. Cody was still awake, that much was obvious to Nick as soon as he laid eyes on the stiff form beneath the covers. His breathing was another dead giveaway, but he didn't say or do anything that implied that he wanted Nick to _know_ , and so he remained silent and simply crawled into his own bunk.

He lay there, thinking of what he could say — maybe asking if Cody was hurting and needed a pill, or if he wanted to talk about anything — when, not even five minutes later, Cody's breathing evened out.

Nick rolled over, allowing himself to look now that Cody was asleep. It wasn't quite dark outside, and the light that filtered through the blinds was more than enough to see by.

The bruise that extended from his swollen cheekbone to the side of his eye was turning purplish yellow. A bit higher up was a cut on his temple, long but thankfully shallow. It hadn't required stitches. There were marks around his throat, as well. They looked like a mixture of rope burns and bruises from someone's fingers.

It hurt to see, yet Nick couldn't avert his eyes. Despite it all, Cody was _alive_ — he had to try to focus on that. His memory would return, mind healing alongside his body. Nick just had to stay strong and believe in that.

He watched over Cody until it was too dark to see.

\----

Cody was still out like light when Nick got up, so he decided to take a quick shower. By the time he was done, Cody had woken up — and was talking to Murray in the salon. He gave them some privacy, loitering around in the stateroom while he waited.

To his surprise, Cody came walking in after a while. "Hi," he said.

"Morning. How are you feeling today?"

"Fine," Cody said, eyes nervously darting up to Nick's face before looking at the floor. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, of course. Anything at all." Nick sat down on his bunk, hoping it'd help Cody relax a bit. He looked really tense and uncomfortable.

"Murray just asked me about this trip he had planned. To Japan. Uh, you knew about it, right?"

Nick nodded.

"Okay. So, he asked if I wanted him to cancel it. Said he'd do it no problem, because he felt bad about leaving anyway. But I said no — because I thought that was probably what he wanted, you know? It sounded like it was a big deal to him, something real important."

"It is, definitely. It's a huge opportunity for him," Nick said, not entirely sure what Cody was getting at.

"That's what I figured, yeah. But he just looked really disappointed for a moment, and I just... I wasn't sure if I messed up or not. I mean, I don't _know_ him, so maybe I said the wrong thing after all."

"Aw, Cody, no — don't think like that." Nick got to his feet, starting to reach out before thinking better of it. Cody didn't know him, either. He let his hand fall. "Murray really wanted to go. He'll be grateful for your answer, even if it maybe hurts a little right this second."

"Lieutenant Parisi told me about you guys. You and I... apparently go really far back, but all three of us are close. So if I — if I say or do something that's wrong, could you just, you know, not get upset?"

To hell with it. He was touching Cody, and that was it. Making sure to move slowly, Nick reached up to squeeze his shoulder. He let his hand stay there, as he spoke. "Listen, buddy. I don't want you walking on eggshells. This is a really tough situation, but we'll get through it _together_. You hear me? Together, Cody. Just be yourself, and don't worry about living up to whatever expectation you think I might have."

There was a suspicious sheen in Cody's eyes, and he kept swallowing. "Hey," Nick said, shifting closer, "how about we get some breakfast, huh? Maybe we can help Murray do some packing afterwards."

Cody nodded, giving Nick a thankful smile. Nick returned it, and let his hand drift down to the small of Cody's back, lingering there for a moment before they headed for the galley.

\----

Cody seemed a bit bummed out after Murray left. No wonder, really — with the way Murray had said his farewells. It was more like he was going to be gone for a year, rather than a week.

Sitting around on the Riptide was probably not gonna do any wonders for his mood, so Nick decided they needed a change of scene.

"Hey," he said, "think you'd be up for taking a walk?"

Cody shrugged. "Sure."

"I thought we could head on over to the amusement center and have some fun, maybe grab a pizza on the way home. What do you say? If you don't feel like it we can save it for some other day, no problem."

"No," Cody blurted out. "I mean, I'd really like to go. If you want to."

Nick grinned. "Wouldn't suggest it otherwise. But we take it easy, alright? Tell me if you're hurting or if you feel tired." The actual rides wouldn't be an option with Cody as banged up as he was — no matter how much fun they usually had on the bumper cars — but the carnival games and the arcade would be just fine.

"I'm feeling a lot better today, really."

"That's good, but we still shouldn't push it. Easy does it."

"I got it, I got it." Cody rolled his eyes as if annoyed, but that was at odds with the smile curling his lips.

As they were leaving the boat Cody stopped halfway off it, a distant look on his face. He turned around and climbed back up the stairs to the wheelhouse, closing the door that Nick had left open.

Nick's heart was racing. "Why'd you do that, man?" he asked.

Cody looked at him, blinking a couple of times as if coming awake. "I... I don't know," he mumbled.

"Alright, that's okay, it doesn't matter — what's important is that you did it." Nick laughed, feeling genuinely hopeful for the first time since Cody had asked him who he was.

"Why?"

"It's, well, it's a bad habit of mine, I guess. I tend to forget to close the wheelhouse door, and you hate that."

"I do?" Cody said, raising his eyebrows. "It's not a big deal, is it?"

"We had a pretty big fight about it, once. So I'll gladly remind you of those words, the next time you get on my case!" Grinning, Nick slung an arm across Cody's shoulders as they walked along the harbor.

He pointed out a few things along the way — where they picked up their mail, the bakery that sold the best bearclaws — and Cody seemed to cheer up as they went along. He really lit up once they reached the amusement center, even though he was a total disaster when it came to playing the arcade games.

Nick tried showing him how to play Pac-Man, but was quickly greeted with the Game Over screen. Cody let out a peal of laughter, clearly finding his failure very amusing.

"It's not so easy trying to play while explaining at the same time, you know," he muttered, trying to defend himself.

Cody just shook his head, chuckling as he walked on. As they reached the carnival games, one of the attendants recognized them and waved.

"That's Louie," Nick whispered as they headed over to his stand. "He runs that shooting gallery, and since we always win we're kinda infamous."

"Howdy, boys," he greeted. "Want to try your luck?"

"Not luck," Nick said, putting down a couple of coins. "It's all skill."

Louie placed two rifles on the counter. "Bite me," he said, smiling genially.

Nick went first, hitting every mark. Cody, on the other hand, did poorly. It made sense, Nick realized with a start — he wouldn't have had any experience with firing guns at this point in his life.

"Off day, huh?" Louie said, and Cody smiled and shrugged in reply.

"Thanks," Nick said, taking the prize he was handed. "See you later."

As they walked away, Cody leaned in. "Sorry if I ruined our reputation." He sounded embarrassed, the brightness in his eyes having faded some.

"No sweat, hotshot. Here, for you. Catch!"

Cody looked up just in time to grab the prize Nick threw to him. It was a duck, chubby and yellow. Its head was a bit crooked, giving it a cross-eyed appearance. Normally Cody would've scoffed at it, telling Nick that he was quite capable of winning his own stuffed animals, but now he just got a shy, happy look on his face. "Thanks," he said, smiling.

\----

Nick woke up alone.

They'd had such a good day yesterday — the amusement center, the large pizza they'd shared when getting back, the old movie they'd watched, all of it had been great — that Nick had allowed himself to relax. He'd barely gotten any sleep the previous night, nor the one before, but that was no excuse. He should've woken up when Cody left; should've _been there_ , in case something had happened.

It was a little past five, still mostly dark outside, and there was really nowhere Cody could've gone. He didn't know anyone, barely knew his way around, and shitshitshit, Nick was close to panicking. He ran out, briefly debating taking the 'Vette before deciding to start by foot.

He jogged through the harbor, deserted this early. Ran along the pier, and on towards the beach. And there, off in the distance, was a familiar figure. Relief making him feel lightheaded, Nick walked closer.

Cody was sitting in the sand, knees drawn up, staring at the waves.

Nick sat down next to him. "Hi," he said softly, "are you alright?"

Cody turned his head and Nick had to struggle to not pull him into a hug right there and then. He looked so utterly _lost_.

"I wanted to surf," Cody said. "Wanted to be in the water by the time the sun came up. But I couldn't find my board. I looked all over for it." His hand gripped a fistful of sand, clenching it so hard that his knuckles went white. "Don't I have one anymore? Did I stop surfing? What else did I stop, Nick?"

Nick took hold of Cody's hand, gently prying it open and letting the sand trickle away. There were marks from where his fingernails had dug into his palm, but they hadn't broken the skin. He laced their fingers together, wanting to give Cody something more substantial to hold on to.

"You still surf. Maybe not as much as you used to, and these days you never roll outta bed before sunrise — hell, barely even before noon sometimes," he added, hoping to lighten the mood with a little teasing. It drew a slight smile from Cody, and he counted that as a win.

"So where's my board, then?"

"I think you keep it with the water skis for the Ebbtide." Cody got a glint in his eyes at that, and Nick thought it best to forestall him. "But that's irrelevant, because you're not doing any surfing until you've healed up. You took a serious beating, and I don't want you out there just yet."

Cody gave him an odd look, but didn't argue.

They sat like that for a while longer. Nick was painfully aware that they were pretty much holding hands — and even more aware of how _nice_ it felt. Cody didn't seem to mind, or even really notice, so Nick made no move to pull away.

The sound of Nick's rumbling stomach made Cody burst out laughing. He got to his feet, pulling Nick up before releasing his hand. "I could do with some breakfast myself, buddy."

"Good, 'cause I'm hungry as hell."

"I noticed — nothing wrong with my _hearing_ , you know."

"You're a funny guy," Nick muttered. "Oh, hey," he added, "since we'll be passing by anyway, how about I introduce you to the Mimi?"

"I don't know, Nick, I don't really feel up to seeing anyone right now. Maybe later?"

Fighting down the urge to grin, Nick decided to play along. "Don't worry, we'll just say a quick hi."

Cody frowned. "Who is she, anyway? I take it I know her?"

"Yup."

"Is she... your girl?" He suddenly sounded apprehensive, which was a bit strange. Nick studied him, trying to work out what was going on in that head of his.

"You could say that," Nick finally replied, watching as a flash of disappointment passed over Cody's features.

"Oh."

The game was no longer fun. He stopped, pointing up ahead where the Mimi's pink bulk was clearly visible against the sky. "Right there."

Cody squinted. "The Screaming Mimi," he read. A grin slowly spread across his face. "Your helicopter? That's what you were talking about?"

"Wanna take a closer look?"

"Sure!"

As they got closer, Cody's eyes kept widening. When they were standing next to the chopper his mouth was slightly open, as well. "Impressed, huh?" Nick said. "You're right; the Mimi's a real classic."

"Yeah..." Cody drawled, "that's not quite the word I would've chosen."

"I'm pointedly _not_ gonna ask what that's supposed to mean," Nick said, voice icy.

Cody lifted his hands in a gesture of defeat. "Sorry, sorry," he said, chuckling. "I'm just surprised — your car's all new and shiny, you know, so I never would've guessed that your taste would run to something like this."

"Huh? My car is what?"

"Well, it is, isn't it? I wouldn't know for sure, of course — but it looked pretty new to me."

Nick raised his eyebrows. "Wait, are you talking about the Jimmy?"

"The red and white truck you drove, when you guys picked me up at the hospital."

"That's yours, Cody."

He stared at Nick for a long moment, face blank. "No way," he finally said.

"No, really — it's your car."

"Wow," he mumbled. " _Hell._ "

"I don't get it, man. Is that a bad thing?"

"Yes, dammit," Cody snapped, dragging a hand through his hair. "I mean, it's just so... so... damn boring. It's all big and bulky, and I just — I'd never want a car like that."

To anyone else it'd probably seem like a silly thing to get upset over, but Nick got it. It was another blow to Cody's perception of self, just like not finding a surfboard that morning had been. "Hey," he said, "listen to me. So what if your tastes and hobbies have changed a bit over the years, huh? You're still the same guy. Down deep, beneath all the small stuff, you're the same as you were when I first met you in Vietnam. The same as when we were in the MPs together, or when we first started our detective agency. I promise, Cody. You'll just have to trust me on that, okay?"

Cody wiped at his eyes, a sheepish grin curving his lips. "Okay," he said. "Sorry for being such a crybaby."

"You're not, dummy. But I wouldn't mind even if you were, you hear? I _do_ mind starving to death, though — so how about we get back?"

Cody nodded, turning to the Mimi and offering up a little wave. "Nice meeting you," he said. "Nick's a lucky guy to have such an amazing girl."

Nick reached out, ruffling Cody's hair. "Damn straight. And my best friend ain't half bad, either."

\----

After breakfast, they played Scrabble. Nick got away with three made-up words before Cody finally called him on it. He was still grumbling under his breath as he went down to the stateroom to grab a sweater. Nick waited in the salon, trying to not worry that Cody was apparently feeling cold again.

Five minutes later the worry had turned to fear, catapulting him from the bench and down the stairs.

Cody was sitting on his bunk, holding his uniform. He was frowning as he stared at it, a look of intent concentration on his face. His white sweater was lying on the floor in front of the closet, seemingly forgotten. Nick bent down to pick it up, stepping in to drape it over Cody's shoulders.

Cody looked up, eyes dazed. 

"Hi," Nick said, softly.

"Hi." He scooted over a bit, and Nick took that as an invitation to sit down next to him.

"That's your uniform," Nick said. It was a pointless thing to say, of course, what with his name tag being right there.

Cody twisted the uniform, fingers trailing over the left shoulder area. His frown deepened.

"What is it?" Nick asked

He looked hesitant, almost embarrassed. "I just feel as if something's missing. Like there should be something more, right here," he said, pointing. "Uh," he continued, face reddening, "like maybe a dragon...?"

Nick couldn't help it, he had to reach out and pat Cody's back. "That's right! When we were MPs, we had the shoulder sleeve insignia of the XVIII Airborne Corps right there."

"Yeah?" Cody said, a brilliant smile taking the place of the frown. "It was blue, right?"

"You got it, champ."

Cody was still grinning as his hand moved lower, tracing the ribbons. "And these signify medals?"

"That's right." Nick moved a bit closer, extending his own hand to point. "That's the Presidential Unit Citation above your name. And then over here you've got the Air Medal, the Joint Service Commendation Medal, the Purple Heart, the Na-"

Cody had been silently listening, but when Nick got to the Purple Heart he perked up. "I know that one," he cut in, clearly excited. "You get it when you're wounded, right?"

Something cold slithered through Nick's guts, coiling itself there, heavy and awful. "Yeah," he forced out, while in his head a mantra of _don't ask, don't ask, please don't ask_ repeated itself.

"What happened?"

"You... you got hurt during a mission."

"Wait," Cody said, pulling on the collar of his shirt, "was it this?" His fingers skirted along the edge of the scar Nathan Warwick had left him.

Nick felt like throwing up. "No," he somehow managed to say, "that's from a case that went south on us."

"Oh. Then what?"

"You were my door gunner." His brave, beautiful, reckless door gunner. In retrospect, he had probably fallen for Cody already way back then. Turning in his seat to glance back, meeting Cody's blue eyes — filled with a striking mix of fear and exhilaration over still being _alive_.

Nick shook his head slightly, trying to stay in the present. "See, normally door gunners rotated among unit choppers, but you and me? We stuck together. The colonel saw how well we worked together, how — even back then — we knew what the other was thinking. So he allowed it; encouraged it, even."

Cody picked at the hem of his shirt. "Oh," he mumbled. "I kinda figured we worked up to it, you know. Didn't realize we became best friends immediately."

"Well," Nick drawled, grimacing, "we didn't, really. There was just something there, that's all. Beyond friendship, I guess?" It sounded strange when he put it into words, and he wished he hadn't. Still, he was grateful that the topic had veered off from its initial course. If he could keep it going, stray completely from the original question, then...

"So I was your door gunner," Cody said, lifting his head and meeting Nick's gaze with a determined set to his jaw. "What happened? How did I get hurt?"

Nick looked away, swearing inwardly. So much for that little plan. "We took fire during a routine flight. Both you and Russell, the crew chief, were hit and went down. As soon as I got us out of there I left the controls to the co-pilot, and climbed back. It was against regulations, and not the nicest thing to do to him — he was a total cherry — but I didn't give a damn."

Cody shifted slightly, moving closer. It was probably an unconscious gesture, but Nick was grateful for it nonetheless.

"As soon as I got back there I saw that Russell was dead. I think he died immediately, at least." His wife had just given birth back home, and he'd been bugging everyone in the unit by constantly showing photos of the baby. Nick still felt regret, as bitter now as it had been all those years ago, that he hadn't taken more of an interest. All he'd offered up had been polite smiles, and jokingly telling Russell that it was a good thing the kid took after its mother instead of him. That was it. That was all he had done.

"Nick?"

"Your leg had been torn up some by shrapnel from the bullets. But I was more concerned about the wound on your head. Your hair was more red than blond, and half of your face was covered in it too. You were unresponsive, and those seconds where I checked for your pulse, not knowing if I'd find one or not..." Nick trailed off, overwhelmed by the way he could almost _feel_ Cody's slick, warm blood beneath his fingers once again.

"After I found your pulse I tried to stop the bleeding. As I located the wound, and pressed my hand against it, you groaned in pain and opened your eyes. They focused on me and you... you _smiled_." Cody's teeth had been red with blood, and Nick remembered the all-encompassing terror that had filled him, not knowing if Cody was bleeding internally or if the blood from his head had simply gotten in his mouth.

"I talked, to keep you with me, but after a while you closed your eyes — though the smile still faintly lingered on your lips. I sat in that chopper, holding your head, until the co-pilot landed and you got some medical attention. I thought you might be taken to one of the army hospitals in Japan, but you were just laid up in the field hospital for a while before returning. I asked you later on why you'd smiled like that, but you said you couldn't remember."

"Did you get in trouble?" Cody asked, voice quiet.

"No, Brad was a good guy. He covered for me, and didn't complain about having been left in the lurch. He flew co-pilot for a couple more weeks, like all new pilots in 'Nam, and then he got his own chopper." He'd died three months later when his tail rotor got tangled in a rubber tree, but Cody didn't need to know that.

"I'm sorry."

Nick raised his head, frowning. "What for?"

"For asking, and for — for being so stupid. I should've known better. I shouldn't have made you go through all that again." Cody met his gaze, looking dejected and guilty.

"No, don't. You have every right to know, and I'm _fine_. Sure, it's not exactly a great memory, but I'm not gonna fall to pieces, you know? I want you to be able to ask me anything. Even stuff like this."

"Still," Cody mumbled, "I'm really sorry, Nick."

"There's nothing to be sorry about. You're still here, and so am I. Together. Remembering that is the one thing that always helps."

Cody leaned into him, the sweater slipping off his shoulders in the process. Nick slung his arm across Cody's back, rubbing up and down. "Still feeling cold?"

"No, I'm okay now."

\----

He was in the helicopter again.

Brad was next to him in the co-pilot's seat, staring at him with accusing eyes. The lower part of his face was badly burned, charred black except for the places where the white of his skull shone through. "You should've taught me better," he said, voice gurgling. As he spoke his lower jaw separated from his head, falling into his lap.

Nick tore his eyes away, knowing he had to get back to Cody. He was there, so close, lying on the floor of the chopper in a pool of his own blood.

But this time he couldn't reach Cody; no matter how hard he tried something was holding him back. After a while he could hear Cody calling for him, and he redoubled his efforts. There were hands on his shoulders, and he desperately lashed out. His fist connected with something solid, and the jolt that traveled up his arm catapulted him from his dream into the dark of the stateroom.

Someone was sitting on his bunk — Cody. He knew it was Cody, knew it in his bones, but something was off. He was hunched over, and his breathing was all wrong. Labored, almost as if he was in pain.

Nick's shaking hand reached for the light.

Cody blinked against the sudden brightness, hand firmly clamped over his nose. There was a dull ache in Nick's knuckles. All of it added up to one, unthinkable cause.

He had punched Cody.

"Oh God," he whispered, "I didn't — I didn't mean to. I'd never hurt you, I swear. I wouldn't... I..."

"Hey, hey, hey, _relax_ ," Cody said, removing his hand from his face. His nose was a bit red, but at least it wasn't bleeding. "It's no big deal. Normally I'd probably know to duck, huh?"

Nick started to reach for him without thinking, but froze halfway. There was a good chance Cody was going to flinch away from his touch. Completely understandable, of course, but the thought of Cody being afraid of _him_... Nick wasn't sure he'd be able to take it.

Still, he needed to check to make sure nothing was broken.

Slowly, slowly, he moved his hand. It trembled, even though he did his best to keep it steady. But Cody didn't recoil, his eyes merely drifted closed as Nick's fingers probed his nose.

"It's not broken," Nick said, relief flooding through him.

Cody was silent for a moment, eyebrows drawing together in a thoughtful frown. "Why would that make me feel... almost disappointed?" he finally asked.

Nick let out a choked laugh. "We have a competition, of sorts, going. It's a long story — I'll tell you about it tomorrow, alright?"

"Can't wait to hear the reasoning behind that," Cody muttered, shaking his head.

Nick took a deep breath. The nightmare was still very much present, and he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep any more that night. "Hey," he said, trying to keep his voice light, "I'm just gonna get some air. You should go back to bed."

"I'll come with you."

"No, you... you don't have to." Nick felt tense and jumpy — like Brad, or any of the others he'd let down in 'Nam, were about to step out from the shadows at any given moment. He'd already hit Cody once; he wasn't about to risk doing it again.

"Would you prefer it if I don't?"

"Huh?"

Cody's eyes were steadfast, looking at Nick as if he could see right through him. "If you don't want me to, I won't. But I'd like to come, as long as you don't mind the company."

And the thing was, Nick never minded Cody's company. So he found himself touching Cody's arm as he got up from the bunk, a nonverbal cue that was picked up on immediately.

They went to the salon, sitting in silence as Nick tried to stop shaking.

"If you want to talk about it," Cody said after a while, "I'll listen. Whatever you need."

"Don't remember it." That was a lie, of course. Hell, he could still _smell_ Brad's burned flesh. Still see Cody's unmoving body, with Russell lying next to him, missing half his face.

"You were calling my name," Cody whispered.

That didn't come as much of a surprise. Hardly the first time it happened — but for Cody, lacking his memories, it was a first. "Sorry if I scared you."

"No, that's not it. I just wish I knew what to do. How to help. I _want_ to, you know, but I..."

"You are helping. Believe me, you are." Nick looked at Cody, taking in the way his hair fell across his forehead, unruly and messy. It was getting to be a bit long again, the way Nick loved it most. Just the right length to bury his fingers in and...

Well, damn, he was just a complete disaster tonight, wasn't he. "I can't explain it," he mumbled, forcing himself to look away. "But just knowing you're here, that I can always rely on you — it means the world."

Cody remained quiet for some time, before responding. "I think it's the same for me. I mean, I should probably be a lot more freaked out than I am, you know? So many years that I've forgotten, so much of my life that's lost to me — yet I... I feel like it's gonna be okay. Because you're with me."

Warmth blossomed in his chest, dispersing the remains of his dream. "It will be okay," he said, smiling. "I promise."

Cody returned his smile, teeth gleaming in the dark. "Think you can go back to sleep, now?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I think so."

\----

"Alright, that's it," Nick said, shutting the door to the fridge with a grimace. "We gotta go grocery shopping."

"For the barbecue, right?"

"Yep. We need to get quite a few things."

Cody looked excited, but that changed as soon as they went up to the salon and Nick's hand extended towards the key rack. He'd intended to take the Jimmy, to have better room for the grocery bags, but that plan went out the window in a flash. He grabbed the keys for the 'Vette instead. "We'll take my car," he said, winking at Cody.

Cody lit up. "Great! I haven't seen your car yet, you know. What kind is it?"

"Well, actually, you might have seen it already. I have it parked pretty close by." Nick pointed it out as soon as they got off the boat and came close enough to spot it. "Over there."

"Whoa, Nick, that's your car? That right there?!"

"Yeah."

Cody jogged up the 'Vette, eyes wide. "It's gorgeous. And so cool — nothing like my truck."

Nick felt a pang of pride at Cody's obvious admiration of his car. "It was headed for the junkyard when I bought it. We restored it together." Okay, so technically Cody's contribution had boiled down to hanging around, poking at things he shouldn't be touching and occasionally handing Nick tools, but that didn't really matter.

Cody's smile was blinding. "Yeah? Sure wish I remembered that."

Wanting to keep Cody happy, Nick handed him the keys. "Here," he said, "you drive."

"Can I? Can I really?"

"Yes, really," Nick said, chuckling. He got into the passenger seat, and Cody only hesitated for a second before taking his place behind the wheel.

"Are you absolutely sure? I haven't had my license for all that long," he said, before making a face. "Never mind, I guess I have, huh."

Nick smiled, reaching out to squeeze his shoulder. "You're a great driver," he said, reassuring.

Cody brightened immediately. His blue eyes sparkled in the sunlight, more beautiful than anyone had a right to be.

"Except that one time when you drove a car into the harbor," Nick added, unable to resist teasing him a bit. Cody responded by laughing, before — perhaps due to Nick's lack thereof — apparently cluing in to the fact that it hadn't been a joke.

Cody's head snapped up, a horrified expression on his face. "I did _what_?"

"Relax, man," Nick said, raising a hand and waving it dismissively. "You were being shot at, at the time. But good luck renting a car."

Cody shook his head slightly, eyebrows raised. "One thing's for sure," he muttered, "I don't lead a boring life."

Nick regarded him, abruptly feeling serious. "Is it what you wanted?"

"Huh?"

"I mean, back then — or now, I guess — what did you want your life to be like? Is this... disappointing?" Part of him didn't want to hear the answer, but it was suddenly very important to know.

Cody toyed with the keys to the 'Vette, eyes downcast and a thoughtful frown on his face. "I'm not sure what I want, but I do know what's expected of me. This... isn't quite the future that was planned. So it's surprising, but — not a disappointment. I like living on our boat," he said, and Nick's heart skipped a beat over the choice of words.

"Yeah? I'm glad to hear it."

Cody's jaw clenched as he raised his eyes to look down the road. He forcefully inserted the keys in the ignition, turning them, and as the engine roared to life he added, "And I like my best friend. I may not have turned out the way I thought I would, but I gotta be a fairly decent guy to have had you stick with me the way you've done."

Nick was speechless, but that was a moot point as Cody stepped on the gas and set them racing down the street, the whipping wind stealing any potential words.

\----

Nick was a light sleeper. Had been, ever since he was a boy, though 'Nam had certainly served to strengthen the trait. So when he woke up that night, opening his eyes to darkness, he stayed alert and still, trying to pinpoint what exactly had woken him.

The waves were gently lapping against the hull of the Riptide, and from behind him he could hear Cody's steady breathing. Except it wasn't the normal deep, slow rhythm that indicated that he was asleep. No, Cody was definitely awake.

Nick faked a slight snore and rolled over, wanting to be able to feign sleep in case it turned out Cody was better off being left alone. He squinted across the dark stateroom, making out Cody's shape in the slivers of moonlight that filtered through the blinds.

He was sitting across the bunk, back against the wall and legs stretched out in front of him, bare feet sticking out over the edge. The duck Nick had won for him was in his lap.

This was more than a simple sleepless night. Nothing Nick should — or even _could_ — ignore.

"What's the matter?" he asked, as he sat up and swung his feet onto the floor, almost mirroring Cody's pose.

"Sorry, did I wake you?"

"No," Nick said, "but I kinda wish you had. Sitting alone in the dark like that — it's just gonna make you feel worse, you know?"

"Speaking from experience?" Cody shot back.

Nick shrugged. "Maybe. The few times you weren't around to pull me outta it," he added, giving Cody a lopsided smile.

"Yeah, well," Cody replied, "I wasn't alone, either. You were right there."

"Not much good when I'm asleep."

Cody was silent for so long that Nick started feeling worried again. Then, "Good enough. It's strange, but I guess my body remembers what my brain doesn't. Couldn't sleep at all that one night in the hospital; something vital was missing, and I'm not talking about my memory. Then I came here, went to bed early. Same thing — until you came into the room."

Nick swallowed, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat.

"Anyway," Cody continued when Nick made no move to speak, "there was no reason to wake you. I just had a dream, that's all. Or no, a memory, I guess."

"Yeah? What about?" Nick asked, silently begging that it had been something good — something _worth_ remembering.

"Vietnam."

Goddammit, of all the things for Cody to dream about, it just had to be that, didn't it. The world was hell of an unfair place, sometime. Nick wasted no more time, getting up from his bunk in one quick move and crossing the small space that separated them. He climbed onto Cody's bunk, sitting down next to him, close enough that their bodies touched from shoulder to ankle.

Cody responded by stiffening, turning his head to give Nick a wide-eyed stare. Then, slowly, his body gradually relaxed.

"You okay?" Nick asked.

"Huh? Oh. You think..." he trailed off, grimacing slightly. "Sorry, I guess I gave you the wrong impression. It wasn't a bad dream. I wasn't upset or anything."

Dimly, Nick knew that he should probably get off Cody's bunk, perhaps even apologize for having overreacted. _His_ Cody would have understood, but the person currently beside him might not appreciate the sudden invasion in his most personal space. But despite that, all Nick could feel was relief. It made him smile, bumping his elbow into Cody's side.

"That's good, man. Wanna tell me about it?"

Cody toyed with the duck in his hands, flapping its little wings. "We were together. Some other guys were there too, but I don't know who they were. I think maybe we were picking somebody up or refueling, because you put down the chopper and left it running. I got out to take a leak, but, uh..."

"Rotor downdraft?" Nick hazarded.

"Precisely," Cody said, scoffing. "I got it all over my pants and boots, and I just stood there, feeling like the world's biggest idiot. I think it was pretty early on — didn't really know you yet, I don't think."

He grew quiet after that, prompting Nick to reach out and take hold of the duck's neck, angling its head so that it appeared to peer up at Cody. "Then what happened?" he asked, even though he already knew the answer.

"You came ambling over and handed me your canteen. Told me to spill some on my shirt, make it seem like it was all just water. You laughed as I did it — but it was a friendly laugh, nothing mean or mocking about it in the least. Then you said everyone had done it, even you."

"That _is_ a good memory," Nick said, voice soft. "I remember it well. It was our third mission together, and the first time I ever saw you smile." Cody had handed the canteen back, standing in his drenched clothes with the sunlight streaming down on him, a sheepish look in his eyes and a shy smile curving his lips.

It had been like discovering a slice of heaven, right in the middle of hell.

They sat in silence for a while, until Nick realized he was about to doze off. His own dream the previous night had left him pretty wrung out, and it was apparently catching up with him now. He yawned and made a move to get up. Instantly, Cody's hand shot out and grabbed his wrist.

"Stay. Just for a while longer?" he added, sounding uncertain.

"For as long as you want," Nick said, sitting back.

\----

Nick woke slowly, body fighting him all the way. That was rare — as was the sensation of a warm body pressed against his own.

He didn't need to open his eyes to know who it was; he'd know the pattern of those steady breaths anywhere, just as he'd know the feel of the hand currently splayed across his stomach.

Cody let out a low grumbling noise, hand twitching. Nick opened his eyes, wanting to make sure he wasn't caught in a nightmare. There was a slight frown on his face, but that was it — nothing worth waking him for.

And truthfully, the idea of waking Cody wasn't an appealing one.

Sometime during the night, Nick had gone from his sitting position to lying on his back. Cody was on his side, turned towards Nick. His head was nestled on Nick's shoulder, breath fanning his throat with every soft exhale.

Nick's arm was wrapped around Cody's back, holding him close.

It felt... _right_ , all of it. Like this was exactly the way things should be; as if their bodies unconsciously had known just how perfect they fit together, legs entangled and everything.

Another grunt from Cody distracted him from his mounting panic, and he thankfully focused on it. Cody's frown had deepened, looking almost irritated now. He muttered something that sounded suspiciously like "my boat", and Nick couldn't help himself. He let out an abortive snort, just barely managing to choke back the laughter.

Cody's eyelids fluttered, and Nick quickly squeezed his eyes shut. He hadn't meant to wake Cody, but this was probably the best outcome possible. Nick could simply fake being asleep, let him get up without stirring, and then they'd both be able to pretend like nothing had happened.

Cody's hand withdrew — not a swift movement like Nick had expected, but slowly, slowly, fingers trailing across his skin in an almost explorative manner. Cody sat up, clearly careful to not wake him. Nick let his arm fall, ignoring the tingling feeling in it as circulation resumed.

But instead of getting off the bunk, Cody just sat there. It was a struggle to keep his breathing slow and even, as he could feel Cody's eyes upon him. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Cody moved.

Only to lie back down again.

He moved in close, hand going back to its resting place on Nick's stomach. A shiver passed through Cody's body — no wonder; he was only wearing a pair of tiny shorts, and the blanket was trapped underneath Nick's body, no way for Cody to get it without 'waking' him.

Nick faked a sleepy murmur, turning his body towards Cody as he put his arm back around his shoulders. Cody let out a soft sigh and burrowed in even closer. He stopped shivering, and within minutes he had gone back to sleep.

It took Nick a lot longer to fall asleep. He was distantly aware that his hand was slowly stroking Cody's back, but it didn't seem to matter — the whole situation was so far beyond normalcy that one more broken boundary hardly made a difference.

It was a dangerous situation. Really, really dangerous — most of all because of how _easily_ he could get used to it.

\----

"So, tell me, does this boat do anything more than simply _float_?"

Nick looked up, eyebrows raised. "What?"

"Boats sail, right? Can't we take it out for a bit?" There was something restless in the way Cody held himself, a glint of pent-up frustration in his eyes.

It had been there ever since that morning, when Nick had woken up again, still lying together with Cody in his bunk. Only difference being that Nick had been sporting a hard-on. He'd fled into the shower and had carefully avoided Cody's gaze since then. A bad idea, considering the bad mood it had apparently provoked.

"I'd love to," Nick said, "but it's a no-go. You can't do it, and the last time I tried sailing the Riptide I got stuck on a jetty." He cringed at the memory.

"I could _try_ ," Cody argued "Maybe — maybe it'll come back to me once I'm at the helm."

"Cody..." As much as he wanted to give in, he couldn't risk the Riptide getting damaged. Cody would have his hide for it, later.

Cody dragged a hand through his hair, sighing. He looked even more frayed than before. "I know, I know. That's just wishful thinking. Forget I asked."

Desperately wanting to wipe away that defeated look, Nick tried to come up with an alternative. The solution, when it hit him, was real simple. "Listen," he said, "the Riptide is out, but the Ebbtide — the Ebbtide I can handle no problem. Wanna take it for a spin?"

Cody nodded and gave him a tight smile. It didn't quite reach his eyes, but Nick was more than willing to work on that.

They took off immediately, Nick going a bit faster than he was technically comfortable with. The Ebbtide bounced along the water surface, making him feel slightly nauseous — but it was all worth it when he glanced over at Cody and found him laughing. The spray of the water was glittering in his hair, and his eyes were bright and alive.

"Having fun?" he yelled, trying to make himself heard over the roar of the boat.

Cody just grinned wider.

He let Cody take over the steering once they were out on open water, and they simply cruised around for a while. Then Cody cut the engine and leaned back in his seat, gaze fastened on the horizon. "We're all alone," he said, "in the middle of nowhere."

"Mm, I guess so."

He turned to Nick, eyes searching. "No one is around. Whatever we do, nobody else will see."

"Uh, yeah — what are you getting at?" There was a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach, like something pivotal was about to be changed irrevocably. It was the same feeling he'd had the first time he got in a helicopter. Now, however, it was coupled with dread. Whatever this was, he wasn't ready for it.

Cody leaned in, hand coming to rest on Nick's thigh. "You know what I'm getting at."

"No," Nick croaked, "I don't. Come on, stop screwing around. We should get back, Murray usually calls around this time."

Eyes narrowing, Cody pulled back. His jaw worked as he turned the Ebbtide around, entire body broadcasting the fact that he hadn't gotten what he wanted.

They moored the Ebbtide in silence. One of the new girls on the Contessa hailed them as they walked by — Amber? Nick couldn't remember her name, but she'd been eyeing Cody since the get-go, flirting with him whenever a chance presented itself.

Now was no different, as she leaned her bikini-clad body against the rigging. "Why hello there," she greeted. "Haven't seen you for a while."

"Hello," Cody replied, barely glancing at her. He took a step towards the Riptide.

Amber pouted, clearly not pleased with his lack of interest. She leaned forward more, pushing her chest out. Nick had to give her credit for not giving up — normally, Cody would definitely take notice. She just had bad luck, catching him on such an off moment.

"Hey," he hissed, elbowing Cody.

He turned to Nick, scowling. "What?"

Apparently oblivious to the general mood, Amber kept going. "I was thinking about seeing a movie at the cinema tonight. Maybe go dancing afterwards."

"That's nice," Cody said, eyes not leaving Nick for a second. "Hope you have a good time."

Having said that, he headed for the Riptide. Nick stared after him. An indignant sputter from Amber made him turn, wanting to smooth over the brush-off. "Look, I'm sorry — he has a lot on his mind right now. We had this case that, well..."

"Don't bother," she said, shaking her head. "I misjudged him, that's all. Plenty more fish in the sea, right, Nick?" She leaned forward again, a suggestive leer on her red lips.

"Yeah, sure, plenty of 'em." Nick, on his part, was only concerned about that one fish, however. Which was why he gave her a sloppy wave and jogged after Cody.

He caught up with him just in time to board the Riptide together. "Hey, man," he said, following Cody as he stalked through the salon, "wanna tell me what's going on?"

Cody's back grew even more rigid, but he didn't answer. As they entered the galley Nick reached out, grabbing his arm. Cody whirled around, knocking Nick's hand away. "Don't you give me that!" he snapped.

"Cody, I have no idea what this is about. It's okay if you're mad at me, I can take it — but Amber didn't do anything to deserve that. I think going out with her might've been a good idea. You know, a change of pace."

"I might have stopped surfing, and I might own a humdrum truck — hell, I might've changed in a million ways, but that? That I would _not_ do."

"Do what?" Nick asked, struggling to keep calm. He was trying very, very hard to not even raise his voice, however much Cody seemed to be itching for a fight.

"Cheat, dammit!"

Nick didn't respond. He was completely lost, which only seemed to make Cody even more agitated. "Didn't the doctor say that you should treat me like usual? Let me be in a familiar environment?" he demanded.

"Well, yes," Nick said, confusion mounting.

"Then why the hell do you keep pretending?"

"Huh?"

"This! _Us_ , you and me. You must think I'm a complete idiot. It's my head that's messed up, not my eyes. We've been inseparable for years, ever since the war. We live on a damn boat, sleep in the same room. Our fights are apparently over the most domestic and petty things imaginable, just like an old married couple. You think I can't put it together?"

Nick could only stare. He had no idea what Cody was trying to say, but it almost sounded as if he thought...

"Asshole," Cody growled. "You can't even admit it? Am I _that_ different?"

"Cody..."

"Fine," he snarled, "have it your way, Nick. I probably kiss the same, if nothing else."

And with that, Cody surged forward. He pushed Nick against the wall, laying claim to his lips.

A sharp thrill passed through him, as his entire being sang with the _rightness_ of it. And for a moment — a wonderful moment, the kind he'd been dreaming about for years — he let his body lead.

Cody's kiss had been clumsy; a somewhat poorly-aimed press of lips, relying more on force and passion than technique. Nick angled his head, giving Cody's bottom lip a nip. His mouth opened with a slight noise of surprise, and Nick wasted no time slipping his tongue in and finding Cody's.

His hands drifted up of their own accord, one settling around Cody's waist, the other burying itself in his golden hair. The strands slipped through his fingers, soft and silky to the touch, as he broke the kiss to gently move his lips along Cody's jawline.

He licked Cody's throat, sucking at his Adam's apple. Cody tipped his head back, granting better access. He was panting heavily, and as he moved his groin pushed against Nick's hip.

Cody was hard.

Nick moaned, squeezing his eyes shut against the sensation. Cody _wanted_ him. Cody, his best friend, the most important person in his life, the one he'd die for, _live_ for, the one man he loved more than anything, his Cody, Cody who...

Wasn't himself.

Reality slammed into him, as cruel and unforgiving as a landmine in 'Nam. He disentangled himself from Cody and hurriedly stepped back, as far away as the cramped galley would allow.

Cody let out a low sound, somewhere between a complaint and a question. Nick forced himself to look up.

Cody was a mess — a gorgeous, debauched mess. His hair was mussed and sticking up in every direction; his lips red and swollen, still glistening wet from the kiss; his eyes were heavy-lidded, glassy and dark with desire. On his throat was a hickey, and his erection was pressed firmly against the tight confines of his gray jeans. There was a wet spot at the tip of the outline of his cock, and Nick had a momentarily lapse of judgment where he almost went down on his knees to tear off the jeans and taste Cody's pre-come.

Instead, he ran. He ran as fast as he could, only breaking stride to grab the keys for the 'Vette. He couldn't trust himself to be around Cody right now, and he sure as hell wasn't able to face what he'd done either.

It took several hours of aimless driving to come to a decision.

Cody believed that they were together. He could play along, and get to experience what he'd secretly been longing for. Except it wouldn't be that perfect dream he'd been harboring for years; it would be a lie. Worse than that, it'd be tricking Cody into believing that he had feelings for Nick that he didn't truly have.

That was not an option, no matter how much he yearned for Cody.

He had to be honest, but not entirely. He'd clear up the misunderstanding, explain that they had never even kissed before — and _then_ he'd lie. He'd lie about his own feelings, because he couldn't admit to being in love with Cody.

They needed to be able to laugh about this once Cody's memories returned. If Nick came clean, revealed everything he felt, their friendship would be wrecked. It'd never be the same.

Nick wasn't willing to let that happen.

The Riptide was deserted when he returned. Cody was nowhere to be found, and he hadn't left a note behind. There were three messages on the answering machine, all from Murray. Nick ignored them with a sting of guilt.

The keys to the Jimmy were still hanging on the rack, so he couldn't have gotten far. Unless he'd hitched a ride or taken a taxi. Nick grit his teeth, trying to stem the rising panic.

He searched the beach first, going to the place he'd found Cody last time. Empty. He wasn't anywhere in town, nor in the amusement center. Nick circled back to the Riptide in case Cody had returned, but no.

He debated taking the 'Vette. It would mean he'd be restricted to the streets, and part of his attention would be occupied by driving — no good. The Mimi, then. That was his best bet. He could fly in his sleep, so focusing on looking for Cody wouldn't be a problem. He'd get the best overlook that way, too.

It was dark by the time he got to the Mimi. He pulled open the door to the cargo bay, wanting to grab the binoculars before taking off.

Cody was lying stretched out on the sofa.

The adrenaline that had been coursing through his veins seemed to disappear all at once, leaving him feeling shaky. He climbed aboard with difficulty, more or less collapsing next to Cody as he sat up.

"I had nowhere to go," Cody said, voice hollow and quiet. "I don't know why, but after wandering around I came to think of your helicopter. Sorry."

"No, Cody — _I'm_ sorry."

"For what? The kiss, or running out on me?" There was something hard and bitter in his eyes, and Nick couldn't stand knowing that he had caused it. He looked away.

"Both."

"Right. I figured as much. So I guess we aren't...?"

"Together?" Nick swallowed, shaking his head. "No, buddy. We're not. Never have been."

"Wow. Okay, then. Don't know how I could get it so completely wrong." He let out a laugh, wobbly and self-deprecating.

"You're just confused right now, that's all."

"Yeah, you're right. I've been confused since the warehouse. Discovering the kind of life I lead, the person I've become — it's been confusing, alright. But last night, sleeping with you, everything finally clicked into place. Lying in your arms, the world suddenly made sense again. And even if I never regained my memory, I knew that it'd be okay — because I had found my way home to _you_. That was enough."

"Cody, I..." Nick desperately wanted to say that he felt the same way. More than that, he wanted to forego words entirely and just pull Cody close, touching and kissing him until that awful look of despair was well and truly chased away. But he couldn't. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, voice breaking.

"Yeah," Cody said, lowering his eyes. "So am I."

The walk home was almost physically painful. Cody kept his distance, and every time Nick tried to breach it he shifted away.

It didn't get much better once they got on the boat. Cody immediately made for the stateroom, head hanging low. "I'm going to sleep," he mumbled.

"Let's eat first, okay? We can just have the leftovers from yesterday, quick and easy, no cooking needed. You liked it, remember?" he added, trying to entice Cody into agreeing.

"Yeah, your barbecue sauce was great." Nick's heart perked up, only to immediately plummet as Cody continued, "But I'm just not hungry. Sorry."

Nick stood and watched as Cody entered their stateroom, shutting the door with a soft click. He stared at it for a long time, before sitting down on the bench.

Maybe he should go after Cody, try to make things right somehow. And he should definitely call Murray, who was probably really worried by now.

Most of all he just felt like crying. He curled up in the corner, closing his eyes. If he was lucky he'd be able to drop off to sleep, and wouldn't have to think about the mess he'd made of it all.

\----

The pain in his neck and back was what woke him. He groaned, trying to stretch but only succeeding in smashing his arm against the table.

He lay still for a while, trying to get his bearings. Going by the level of light outside, it was just past dawn. There was a blanket covering him, which most definitely hadn't been there last time he looked.

Anyone else, and Nick would've woken up before they were even remotely close to him. But Cody, who shared his personal space in a way no one else ever had, was another story.

He sat up, pulling the blanket to his chest. It was a good sign; Cody still caring enough to make sure he didn't freeze. Taking a deep breath, he got up and made his way down the stairs to the stateroom, fully intending to get a couple more hours of sleep.

It was empty.

His feet moved by themselves as he walked over to Cody's bunk and sat down. The sheets and pillow were cold, so wherever Cody had gone this time, he'd left a while back.

He was still trying to decide what to do when he heard footsteps. He looked up just in time to see Cody enter the stateroom, freezing in the doorway to stare at Nick.

"You're back," he said, dumbly. He knew he should get off Cody's bunk, but he couldn't quite seem to make himself move.

"Yeah, big guy, I'm back."

Something about the way Cody said that, coupled with the nickname, made Nick take notice. He looked at Cody, took in the way he held himself and the gorgeously familiar, yet new, light in his eyes.

"You remember," he whispered.

Cody nodded, a crooked smile on his face.

Next thing Nick knew, he'd shot up from the bunk and rushed forward, engulfing Cody in a tight hug. He returned the embrace, hands trembling slightly against Nick's back.

"How?" he asked after a long, long time, forcing himself to step back.

"I went for a walk," Cody said. "I took off my shoes and walked along the beach, right on the edge of the water. The waves came in, lapping the sand. With each break it went over my ankles, tugging gently — like it was trying to pull me in, you know. So I stopped, closed my eyes, and turned towards the ocean. I stood there for a while, letting it pull at me, and... and there you were. Next to me in a jungle in 'Nam, giving me a reassuring smile even though you were just as scared as I was. Next to me in Colonel Wilson's burning garage, when we took down Mean Mick Matthews. Next to me in Tiny Tim's boatyard, buying the Riptide." He hesitated for a brief moment, before adding in a quiet voice, "Next to me in the galley, kissing me."

It was almost dizzying, to go from elation to horror in the blink of an eye. Cody without his memories could've been led to believe that Nick had returned the kiss out of reflex, but now? Not an option. Cody knew him better than that. He took a step back, wanting to put some distance between them and give Cody space.

Cody was looking at him, stiff and radiating unease. "I was just gone for a few days," he said, mouth twisting into a mirthless smile, "yet it was enough to ruin a friendship fifteen years in the making."

Nick couldn't breathe. He'd suspected as much, of course — it made sense that Cody would want nothing to do with him, after what he'd done. Still, it somehow managed to take him by surprise, like a flanking attack where you were dead before you even managed to realize what was happening.

"I'll move out," he heard himself saying.

Cody actually flinched, some unknown emotion flickering in his eyes, gone too quick for Nick to catch.

He wanted to reach out, wanted to touch, beg for forgiveness, rip out his own heart and present it on a silver platter if necessary, _anything_ to fix things between them. But it wasn't something that could be fixed, now was it? And that was why, when Cody didn't make a move to reply, he simply nodded. It was answer enough, after all, Cody's silence.

He moved forward, past Cody, desperately needing to be alone. He didn't get further than the doorway before a hand was on his shoulder, stopping him dead in his tracks.

He started to twist, wanting to look at Cody. "Don't," he whispered, and Nick froze. "Just listen, okay?"

"Okay."

Silence. That didn't seem like a good sign, but Cody's hand was still on his shoulder, warm and solid. "Cody...?" he prompted.

"Stay. Please, Nick, don't — don't leave. I know I messed up, and I'm more sorry for that than you'll ever know. But I wasn't me, you know? I won't do it again, I swear."

Heart hammering against his ribs with enough force to _hurt_ , Nick slowly turned. He reached up as he moved, gripping Cody's hand with his own. Cody looked utterly miserable, but his eyes were fastened on their entwined hands, a glimmer of desperate hope in the blue depths.

"I thought... I thought you wanted me to move. I'm the one who messed up, I'm the one who needs to apologize — you did nothing wrong. _Nothing_ , Cody."

Cody's grip tightened, squeezing Nick's hand. He leaned in, opening his mouth as if to say something, before abruptly letting go and stepping back. He fired off a smile — it would've come across as charming to the rest of the world, but to Nick's eyes it was clearly forced.

"Let's just forget about the whole thing," he said. "Deal?"

Nick wasn't about to turn that down, however obvious it was that something was going on beneath Cody's smiling exterior. "Deal."

\----

Despite Cody's protests, Nick took him to the hospital to get checked out. Dr. Davis was just as infuriating, acting like it was his care that had ensured Cody's recuperation. Nick bit back on his anger, concentrating on the fact that Cody was given a clean bill of health. That was the only thing that mattered.

When they got back to the Riptide Nick went for the phone. "I'm gonna call Murray," he said, mentally calculating the time in Japan. "It's kinda early over there, but I bet he's been worrying."

"Yeah, you do that. I'm just — there's something I need to do. I'll be back soon, alright?"

Nick was about to ask where he was going, but then it hit him. _Amber._ Cody was gonna go apologize to Amber, maybe even make arrangements for a date. What was it she had suggested? The cinema and then going dancing? Yeah, Cody was probably all for that, now that he was aware it wouldn't be cheating. Couldn't be unfaithful to someone you weren't even with in the first place.

Nick grabbed the cordless phone, hard enough that the plastic creaked beneath his fingers. It was an effort to not throw it overboard or against the wall. "Sure," he replied, trying to keep his tone light, "have fun."

Cody grinned, and that was it; Nick couldn't stand seeing him looking genuinely happy over the prospect of going out with Amber. He made his way down to the stateroom, slamming the door behind him.

It turned out that Murray was indeed worried, to the point of having been trying to get on an earlier flight home. Nick apologized, and when he broke the good news Murray almost burst his eardrum with his overjoyed whoop.

It was good talking to him, even if Nick quickly got lost when the conversation veered into the progress of the video game. It seemed like Ikehara was a lot of fun to collaborate with, which was great to hear.

By the time he hung up the phone, half an hour had gone by. More than enough time for Cody to have made arrangements with Amber. Nick took a deep breath, preparing himself to act excited when Cody told him about it, and left the stateroom.

Cody wasn't back yet.

There was no way he would've just taken off with her, at least not without letting Nick know first. And it wouldn't take that long to ask her out. So something must've happened.

Cursing himself for letting Cody out of his sight, Nick hurried off the boat. He ran over to the Contessa, eyes searching all the while for Cody's familiar form.

"Hey," he called to one of the girls, "is Amber around?"

Amber came up on deck at the mention of her name. A look of displeasure crossed her features when she saw him, but she walked over to talk nonetheless. "Yes, what is it?"

"Do you know where Cody went?"

"Why would I know that?"

"Did you at least see which direction he went in after talking with you?"

Amber crossed her arms, fingers tapping against her arm in obvious annoyance. "I don't know what you're going on about. I haven't talked to him since yesterday, and you certainly kept tabs on him _then_."

Mind reeling, Nick just nodded before walking back to the Riptide. He had a bad feeling about Cody's whereabouts. And indeed, when he went to check he found Cody's surfboard missing.

It was starting to become a really lousy habit, him running down to the beach, heart in his throat, looking for Cody.

The relief when he finally spotted Cody sent him staggering, almost tripping and falling headfirst into the sand. He looked to be doing fine — tube riding like an expert, so gorgeous and picture-perfect that it took Nick's breath away.

He didn't dare yell at Cody to come back to shore in case it distracted him, and so he stood there and watched. It was all good till one particular tricky wave apparently inspired Cody to do a soul arch — he bent his knees and leaned back, only to make abortive movement towards his ribs. Thus off balance, he went down.

Nick didn't hesitate. He ran forward, eyes fastened on the exact spot Cody had gone under. He was out to his hip in water when Cody popped up. He continued going, but stopped when Cody spotted him and waved, a big grin on his face.

"I thought I told you to wait," Nick gritted out as soon as Cody had come close enough to hear him.

"What? You told me to have fun, didn't you?"

"I didn't think you were going surfing!" Nick yelled, gesturing angrily at the board.

Cody raised a hand, slicking back his wet hair. The movement made his stomach muscles ripple beneath his tanned skin. Nick was suddenly very glad that the water was cold.

"...Nick?"

"Hm?" His head snapped up, dismayed to realize that he'd been too busy ogling to hear what Cody had been saying.

"I said, then what did you think I was going to do?"

"I — that's not important. Come on, let's get back on land." He moved forward to snatch the board from Cody, wedging it under his arm. His other arm went around Cody's waist — overkill, maybe, but Nick wasn't about to take any chances.

But perhaps it wasn't overkill after all, as Cody responded by putting his arm across Nick's shoulders and leaning on him. The closer they got to shore, the more weight he let Nick take.

"Easy," Nick said, "I got you."

Cody dropped down as soon as they got out of the water, rolling over to lie spread-eagle on the sand. Despite the fact that he was panting heavily, eyes closed, the wide smile on his lips positively _radiated_ happiness.

Nick kneeled down next to Cody, leaning over him. "You okay?"

"Yeah," he said, chuckling. "I'm doing great."

"Coulda fooled me," Nick muttered.

There was a stripe of sand along Cody's jaw. Without thinking, Nick reached out to gently brush it away. Cody's eyes opened, endlessly blue. His eyelashes were spiked, and the tiny droplets of water clinging to them caught the sharp sunlight.

Nick could've sold his soul for the right to lower his head and kiss Cody.

Instead, he withdrew his hand, hoping Cody didn't notice the way it trembled. "So," he forced out, trying for levity, "surfing, huh. That's what you most wanted to do after getting your memory back?"

"Not really. There were other things," Cody murmured, almost too low to hear. Before Nick could ask what he meant, he continued, voice louder, "I just needed to, you know, prove some stuff to myself. You understand, right?"

"Yeah," Nick said, smiling softly, "I get it. Just be sure to give me a heads-up before you sell the Jimmy for something cooler."

Cody snorted, shaking his head. "Not gonna happen. I plead temporary insanity on that one."

"Uh-huh, whatever you say. Seriously though, no more surfing till you've healed up. Alright?"

"I'm fine, Nick. It just felt great to be out there — I lost track, didn't listen to my body the way I should've. That's all." He sat up, giving Nick a teasing smirk. "Besides, I was never in any real danger, what with you coming to my rescue."

Nick rolled his eyes. "Someone has to, considering how clumsy and accident-prone you are."

"Aw, gee, thanks a lot. My hero."

"You know it, big guy." Nick got to his feet, extending his hand in a silent offer to help Cody up. He gripped it, letting himself be hauled to his feet. He held on to Nick's hand longer than necessary before letting go — or so Nick would've liked to believe, in any case. It was probably just wishful thinking.

They walked back to the Riptide side by side, close enough that their bodies kept bumping together.

\----

It wasn't any one thing that woke him, just a deep-rooted instinct that told him something wasn't right.

Nick peered across the darkness to find Cody sitting on the edge of his bunk, face buried in his hands.

"Cody?"

He stiffened, whole body going rigid. But other than that he remained still. Starting to get really worried now, Nick sat up and turned on the light. "What's wrong? Is your head hurting?"

Cody lowered his hands. "Nah, I'm fine — just doing some thinking." He bared his teeth in what was probably supposed to be a convincing smile encouraging Nick to drop it. The slump of his shoulders, and the distraught look in his eyes, told another story.

"About what?"

"Oh, nothing special. Hey, by the way, how about we throw a little party for Murray when he returns? He'd probably love that."

Nick nodded, allowing Cody to stall. Pushing him into opening up wasn't going to work; the key was being patient and waiting until he was ready.

A few silent minutes later, his strategy paid off. Cody let out a shaky breath, lifting his head to meet Nick's steady gaze. "I lied," he said.

That wasn't quite what Nick had expected. "About what?"

"When I said that it wasn't truly me who kissed you. That was all a lie — I would've said anything at that point, if it meant you'd stay."

Nick did his best to stay calm and not jump to conclusions. It'd be so easy to read into Cody's words, to find the meaning he longed to hear, but he couldn't let himself do that. It'd be suicide of the heart.

"I lied back then, too. In 'Nam. About not remembering smiling at you, in the chopper. I know precisely why I did it."

"Why?" Nick asked. His voice sounded odd to his own ears, toneless and empty.

"Being a door gunner was... I guess it was a death wish, in a way. Like quitting college and joining the army wasn't enough, I had to push it to the extreme. I don't even think I was really aware of it; all I knew was that my life was over, all my plans for me and Janet had been ripped out from under me, and I just..." he trailed off, growing quiet and still. There was a faraway look in his eyes, as if he wasn't actually seeing what was truly in front of him.

Finally he lowered his head, and continued. "But I remember gaining consciousness, knowing something had gone wrong, yet not quite being able to remember. I didn't even realize Russell was dead. I just opened my eyes, and there you were. I looked at you, Nick, and I was _happy_ that I was still alive. For the first time since Janet had left me, I felt that I was going to be alright. Because I had you. You, holding on to me even though your hands were shaking hard enough to rustle my broken ribs — which hurt like hell, I might add — you, with your blue eyes shining with tears and worry. I was glad I was living, but I remember thinking that even if I was actually dying, right there and then, that it wasn't so bad 'cause you were by my side. I wasn't alone anymore, hadn't been for a long time even though I'd failed to see it, not since I'd met you."

Cody looked up, something vulnerable in the way he peeked through the bangs falling over his eyes. He must not like whatever it was he saw, however, for his face scrunched up, corners of his mouth turning down.

Before Nick could say anything Cody was there, sitting down on his bunk. He reached out to cup Nick's cheek, thumb gently stroking the skin.

It took him a while to realize that Cody was wiping away tears.

But his hand remained in place, lingering even though Nick's face was dry. The fingers trailed down to settle beneath his chin, carefully tilting his head towards Cody's.

His gaze was searching, silently asking for permission. Words lost to him, Nick closed his eyes.

Seconds later, Cody kissed him. It was different than the last time; this version of Cody definitely knew what he was doing. Yet beyond all that, beyond the skill and the sure movement of his lips, was a _tenderness_ that struck deeper than anything else.

It was that tenderness that made Nick let go, allowing himself to trust the moment — trust Cody. Whatever this was, it wouldn't ruin things between them. It didn't matter if Cody was proving something else to himself, or merely acting on a pent-up sex drive. Or hell, perhaps he'd clued in to Nick's feelings and was doing this out of sympathy. It didn't matter, the reason was irrelevant.

Nick would take this one chance and make the most of it. It would have to last him for the rest of his life.

He reached out, hand snaking under the hem of Cody's T-shirt. Cody broke the kiss to let out a shuddering breath. Gently, gently, Nick touched his ribs, stroking them in a voiceless apology for having let him get hurt in the first place.

Cody understood. "Shh, it's okay," he whispered, pressing a soft kiss to Nick's forehead.

Wanting to stop himself from saying something foolish, Nick moved up to lay claim to his lips. The kiss turned heated, as Nick let his hands roam over Cody's chest. His touch was a bit restricted by the tight T-shirt, but he still managed to tease Cody nipples into hard nubs. It made Cody let out an impatient groan and pull it off, before reaching out to tug on Nick's sleeveless shirt.

Nick was more than happy to oblige, getting rid off it in one quick movement.

Cody's touch made for quite the oxymoron — achingly familiar, yet new and unknown at the same time. There was no hesitancy in it, just obvious desire. It made Nick bold enough to dip his fingers under the waistband of Cody's shorts. He pulled them down when no protest was forthcoming, releasing the hard cock.

"Nick, _Nick_..."

"Right here," he mumbled, soothing. "I got you." He trailed one finger up the length, almost losing it completely when Cody's hips bucked in response. He smeared the pre-come with his fingertip, fully intending to make good on his earlier urge to taste it. But before he could bend down to do so Cody reached out, yanking down his briefs.

He scooted closer, stretching out his long legs on either side of Nick's body. "This alright?" he asked, hand closing around Nick's cock and slowly beginning to stroke.

"Y-yeah," Nick ground out, somehow getting his limbs to obey him long enough to mimic Cody's position.

He'd just have to blow Cody next time instead.

...Next time. Which would probably never happen. Nick squeezed his eyes shut, letting his head drop forward to rest in the space between Cody's neck and shoulder.

He had this moment. This one moment. It would be enough. Somehow, it would be, it _had_ to, it — oh, who was he kidding. Once would just make everything worse. He'd forever know the feel of Cody's lips and the way his eyes rolled back when Nick softly tugged on his balls, but it would all be out of his reach. Like getting a glimpse of paradise before being tossed into the gutter.

"Hey, what is it? Nick, what's wrong?" Cody's hand stilled, withdrawing to settle on his thigh instead, squeezing lightly.

"Nothing, nothing at all, I'm sorry. Don't stop, huh, just..."

"You — you didn't actually want this?" Cody asked, a rising note of alarm in his voice.

"I do. I _do_ want this, that's the whole problem." Not wanting to destroy the mood any more than he'd already done, Nick grabbed Cody's hand and moved it back to his cock. "Feel that? I want you, Cody. Trust me on that. So please, keep going."

It seemed like Cody wouldn't, so Nick decided to lead by example. He sped up his movement, using his free hand to trace the curve of Cody's ass. He let out a low moan, fingers twitching against Nick's cock before finally beginning to move again.

Cody leaned in for a languid kiss, so slow and comfortable that it was as if this was something they'd been doing for years. Nick relaxed into the contact, unable to quell the smile that spread across his lips when Cody pulled back.

Cody's answering smile was a thing of beauty, as was the sound he made when he came. He fell forward against Nick's body, breathing heavily, yet not breaking the rhythm of his hand. It was the light nip against his throat, followed by the warm wetness of Cody's tongue that sent Nick over the edge.

He fell back on the bunk, pulling Cody with him. Cody grunted, but stretched out his legs and settled against Nick, lying more on him than on the bunk.

Nick was halfway to dozing off when the feel of cloth against his skin roused him. Cody had raised himself up on his elbow and was wiping them off, using Nick's shirt.

"Hey!" he protested. "Use your own clothes."

Cody snickered. "Too late. Besides, this damn thing had it coming. Been driving me nuts for ages."

"What?"

He tossed the shirt on the floor, lying back down again. Nick's heart sped up — he hadn't expected that. He held his breath as he put an arm around Cody, and was instantly rewarded by him moving close.

So. Cody liked cuddling after sex. That was a lucky break, and Nick could only hope he'd accidentally fall asleep before deciding he'd had enough of... whatever this had been.

"You know," Cody said, apparently not on the verge of sleep at all, "the way it shows off your arms, and shoulders, and... I hate it. Well, I also love it," he added, voice growing husky as he ran a hand along Nick's bicep. "Now that I can touch you like this."

Nick was lying very, very still. Maybe _he_ had been the one who'd fallen asleep. That was the only explanation he could come up with.

"Hey, Nick?" Cody lifted his head, staring down at him. "I _can_ do that now, right?"

"You — want to?"

Cody raised his eyebrows. "What kind of question is that? You're a detective, remember? Don't you think this," he paused to gesture at their naked bodies, lying entwined on the bunk, before continuing, "kinda says it all? Or do you need more clues?"

"I..."

"Alright then," Cody whispered, "here's one more for you. I love you, Nick. I was kinda hoping you felt the same way, you know?"

"That's not fair," Nick said, voice breaking. "Why didn't you ever say?"

"It took losing my memory for me to see what had been right in front of me all along. Sure, the attraction has been there for years, but I tried to justify it by telling myself it was just what happened, when two guys were as close as we are. Stupid, I know," he muttered, giving Nick a wry smile. "I guess I just wasn't ready to face it."

"But you are now?"

"Yeah. I thought... Nick, how do you feel about me? If I got it wrong, I'm sorry, I-"

"No," Nick hurried to say, shaking his head. "God, _no_. Cody, I — I love you. Have, for longer than I care to think about."

Cody's head dropped onto Nick's chest as he let out a low, shaky laugh. It sent warm puffs of air against his skin. "Oh boy. I didn't realize just how nervous I was."

He lifted his hand to gently pet Cody's head. He leaned into the contact, sighing deeply as Nick's fingers ran through his hair and stroked the back of his neck. "Feels nice," he murmured.

"Yeah," Nick said, "it sure does." He hesitated for a moment, feeling a bit nervous himself, before asking, "You'll stay, right? Here, I mean — in my bunk."

Apparently picking up on his tension, Cody raised his head. He gave Nick a smug, lazy grin. "You want me gone, buddy, you're gonna have to kick me off."

Nick angled his head for a kiss, hoping it'd convey just how happy he felt. Judging by the smile it put on Cody's face, the message came through loud and clear.


End file.
